1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
