So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
