Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
