Is it because I queefed?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
