i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
