so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
