She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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