His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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