Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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