pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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