I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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