Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
