She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
