Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
