Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
