i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
