My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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