My sheets look like a crime scene.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
