Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
