Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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