He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
