She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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