She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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