He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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