i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
