I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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