You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Pants 0. Shit 1.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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