there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
