i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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