her vagine was all disorganized.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
