Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
