It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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