I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
