I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
