Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
