I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
