What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
