All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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