I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
