My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
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