I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
