OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
