i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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