I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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