eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
