I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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