do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I had to cum in my sink.
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