I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
