We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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