Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize