Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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