she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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