I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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