if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Dicks are not precious.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
