I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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