ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
