Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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