I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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