Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
