You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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