I think I won the penis lottery.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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