I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
